Thursday, August 20, 2009

Bag It All Up

Ranger, as most of you know, has flown the coop. Bib has left for leadership camp. Dad is off visiting Ranger but cleverly disguised his visit as a business trip so he can be paid for frolicking. That leaves Mom and I at home. All aloney on our owny, playing Single Parent, Only Child. Which can only mean one thing: A Massive House Cleaning combined with a Throwing Out Everything We Own While The Others Are Out And Later Noticing How They Don’t Miss It and Never Will and Laughing At Them For Keeping It All These Years Even Though They Don’t Need It.

While Bibsicle and I were out gallivanting in California, Mom took it upon herself to throw out the majority of our books. We noticed there were less when we returned but we’d be hard pressed to tell you which ones went missing. Props to Mom for downsizing with grace.

When Ranger went to boot camp, the Family Females went to his room under the pretense of “moving his things to storage so Bib can move in.” We tossed out things we were sure he wouldn’t need or miss. Ranger has yet to come asking for the walkie talkies he used as an eight year old or the smashed skateboards he promised he was going to make into shelves… as a sort of useful trophy I think. But who knows? As I often say, boys are so weird.

I went to Virginia for all of three days to visit some old family friends, when I came back the piles of “keepsakes” in the basement went missing. What were we keeping again? And for what sake?

Lately our throwing out has been more intense because we are moving and God save us all if we bring something we don’t need. Today, while Mom threw away all the shoes she thinks people won’t miss; my job was to clean out the refrigerator. After many a mishap I think I’ve gotten it down to a near art. Anything in a bag is tossed with a grimace and without opening. Anything a day past its “Sell By” date gets its lid tightened an extra bit and carefully placed into the bag so as not to break and spill or drip toxic waste and burn a hole through the already crappy kitchen floor.

The Family Females aren’t really big on cooking and when we do bother, we eat what we want and toss the rest. Dad, however, is a big one on saving food. Famous Dad Quotes include: “Oh, I’ll have those ribs for lunch tomorrow. Don’t toss them.” “HEY it’s only past it’s SELL BY date Elle, not it’s eat by date.” “A little mold on the bread never killed anybody, just peel it off.”

Now that he’s out its time to throw out anything he took it upon himself to save. Withered carrots, gone. Chunky milk, washed down the sink with cold water. Rice frozen forever in the shape of Tupperware, thrown out with the Tupperware. Beans that could easily be mistaken for a fifth grade classes prize winning science project, plopped into the garbage bag. Bagged kim chee? We don’t buy kim chee. Oh NO that’s a vegetable mix he saved now rotting in a plastic bag. Lovely.

When I get my own place I will never save left overs. That is a fact.

1 comment:

  1. Leftovers are a rare treat at my house. The menfolk eat them before they become leftovers!

    Your determined downsizing is impressive. I'm pretty sure my other half would like you to come visit and downsize us before our next move!

    ReplyDelete