This morning, my Mom came into the bathroom as I was blow drying my loooooong princess hair, applying mascara with my feet in the air so that the blood would rush into my face. You know, so my eyes aren’t puffy and wotnot. Anyways, my mother asked me, “Do you know why women wear makeup and men don’t?” Now she had asked me this before a long time ago and at the time I had replied instantaneously, “Why Momma, it’s so we can look prettier.” It was a tragic response because I got a four hour ear-full. Today I was ready.
“Uh-Mom,” I said in my teeny way, “women wear make up because it looks like we are turned on by mediocre men. They luuuuuuuuuuurve the way our mascara makes our eyes look bright and inviting like they are the only man in the room. They luuuuuuurve the way our lipstick looks like the blood is coursing through our bodies with desire. AND they have the indecency to trick us into thinking it’s just so we look pretty. In short they are testosterone filled sex craved assholes. Duh.”
It was a summary of Mom’s four hour Make Up Talk.
But once again, I was surprised.
“No, ElleBee. We put on make up because men are stupid visual creatures. One day you will find one that is less stupid than the others. That will be the man you marry.”
This Thankful Thursday I am thankful for my mother and her great “who gives a shit if you broke up” bathroom pep talks.