Friday, January 1, 2010

Happy New Years!

Last night, in an effort to do kind things as my last work of the decade, I spent the night with my not-a-boyfriend. Watching football. With his entire family.
The good news? VT won the Chic-Fil-A Bowl.
The bad news? My last memories of 2009 are of Ryan Williams setting three records on an injured ankle. Fantastic.
A Happy New Years indeed.

Monday, October 12, 2009

Operation October

Dear Reader,
It’s that time of year. No, not the holidays, jeez, as if any seniors have time to celebrate. (This isn’t a family Holiday Card, you know.) It’s COLLEGE APPLICATION TIME! I am turning all of mine in on the 23. Of this month. October. Period. The End. I won’t ever look back again. I will send them in, and just like that, all my preparation will be over. After that Fate will be Out of My Hands and into the Hands of Perfect Strangers.
I don’t like not being in control.
But while I am still in control of this whole mess of a process I have a plan.
Thank God and Jesus and Allah and the Wind God or whom ever for plans.
My plan is called: Operation October. And it goes like this

-Week One: Teacher Recommendations.

-Week Two: College Essay. Start Filling In Apps.
Status: Facing It Head On From The Corner It Backed Me In To

-Week Three: Finnish Apps and Send In
Status: In Progress

-Week Four: Look Into Scholarships. Eat Lots Of Candy.
Status: Candy Eating In Progress Full Steam Ahead

It’s Week Two. That means: The Essay. The Essay About Me. The Essay That Will Determine My Future.
This begs the question: What on earth shall I write about?
My English teacher says we need to be ourselves. Yes, well what if myself doesn’t exactly believe in proper grammar? My Counselor says I need to write about my life. Yes, well what if my ENTIRE life doesn’t exactly fit into a neat and tidy essay?

I’d adore you forever if you gave me some ideas.
A desperate ElleBee.

Coffee Makes Teen Worlds Go 'Round

Last week, during Coffee Hour at my church, my friend, “Gray” was having a conversation with his mother. It’s our ritual that every Sunday, after church, Gray and I always grab a cup of coffee and leave Coffee Hour to sit in a little room with overstuffed chairs and talk about our week. If one of us is busy, the other gets the coffee. One black and one with too much cream and sugar, hilariously called Candy Coffee, only imagine saying Candy Coffee and pretending you are a sketchy guy leaning out of a van and going, “HEY! You wan’ some candyyyy?” Do you now see the humor? Maybe not.
Anyway, as per usual, I went for the coffee, but when I got to the coffee station, I found a serious flaw in the routine: they only had decaf.
Decaf? What was I supposed to do with decaf?
Gray and I are just as busy as the next teen, and you would never ask the average teen to go off and do something without first giving them a proper morning jolt. Without a cup of steaming hot candy-coffee, I am useless.
I can’t go out and write that essay that’s due third period.
I can’t go forth and command an entire corps of overly excited JROTC kids.
I can’t even stop drooling on my desk long enough to explain to my teacher there was a lack of caffeine in my morning.
Okay, well maybe I’m not that bad. But it can be pretty serious sometimes.
So, I went back to Gray.
“Um. Oh, hey there, erm, uh, bud. What’s, ah, going on with your mum?” Gray stared at me like I was a complete fool. Which, lets be honest here, I did sound like, so you can’t blame him.
“Nothing really. Is something wrong? Did you, like, hit your head when you were getting coffee… hey, where is the coffee?”
Imagine me smiling my biggest smile and putting on my best impression of a saint, so I could break the news of the devastating tragedies at church to him in the kindest way I could think of.
“Would you like decaf?”
Imagine that deer in the headlights look. Yes, that one. Only now make your imaginary deer friend having a huge personal crisis and perhaps trying not to cry.

Fact of the matter is coffee makes people better, kinder, more enthusiastic people as a general rule. So, a reminder to all those parent-like types out there, and especially the people in charge of Coffee Hours:

A life will be in ruin, if it’s not brewin’, so don’t be hated make caffeinated!

Sunday, August 30, 2009

Letters Home

Dear Grand,
Today, in church, I witnessed a ten year old dressed in velvet crush pants with a long skirt and a checker blouse with a denim vest and a sock on one hand. She looked like that. ----->
As you can see, I’ve inherited none of Mom’s Artistic Skill. I was worried for the poor “special” child.
“Is she…‘special’?” I asked Mom. Just to make sure. Turns out, no. She is not “special.”
“Erm…is her mom around? Does her mom not love her?” I asked next. Obviously there is something very wrong in that child’s life. But again, Mom pursed her lips and shook her head and said, “No, Elle. There is nothing wrong in her life except that her, and her family, don’t care.” I had a moment of stunned silence, which is a Sunday miracle for me.
There is a point here, Grand. And that point is thank you for caring and passing that lovely, charming and chic care down through the family females.

Wednesday, August 26, 2009


I, for one, cannot stand law shows. I think they are horrible and I hate them and I wish they would get off the air and make room for proper shows like Desperate Housewives, Scrubs and That 70’s Show, all of which I am helplessly in love with.

“Whatchya watchin’ Daddy?” I once made the mistake of asking.
“Boston Legal. It’s actually pretty good.” My Uh-Oh Alert was screaming alarms in my head. It was yelling, “RUN AWAY ELLE! HE SAID LEGAL… CAN’T YOU TELL IT’S A LAW SHOW!?” But it was too late. Dad had patted the bit of floor next to his bit of floor (Dad is a floor sitter, no body knows why) and he looked up and smiled. Awwwww Dad Invites are the sweetest. You can’t resist them. So, I sat my sorry butt down for the long haul watching what was sure to be another dreadful law show.

WRONG. Wrong wrong wrong. It was amazing. Humorous and witty and not in the least bit dull. I will never again hate a law show before I watch it. I advise you sit your own sorry butt down for a viewing right now.